Paybacks are you know what!

I am not proud of this. I distinctly remember ripping through a huge stack of presents only to be disappointed at least once in my childhood. I also remember the time that my mom sent me back to college after Thanksgiving with all 8 of my Hanukkah gifts as we wouldn't be seeing each other until after the holiday. I should have been grateful that at that ripe old age that my parents were still giving me gifts at all in addition to my tuition, sorority dues, housing, clothing, etc, etc..., I should have opened them on the appropriate nights of Hanukkah and been happy to have a treat each night. Instead, I opened just one early. It was a cookbook and, by 90's standards, it looked dated with its brown spiral cover. I didn't like it, so I opened "just one more." Different gift, same ingratitude. So I opened just one more. I think you get where this is going. In a matter of minutes, I was sitting with a pile of opened gifts, paper strewn everywhere, feeling ungrateful. Ungrateful for the carefully wrapped gifts, ungrateful for the thought and care that went into them, ungrateful for the house around me, even ungrateful for the 20 year old body that I thought was too fat (it was, but I'd take it now because 20 year old fat still beats 38 year old medium, but that is a different story). My roommates stared at me in horror---rightfully so. In that moment I had a turning point.

It wasn't instantaneous. Believe me, there were some BIG missteps long the way. I am not sure that my parents would see me as grateful even today. But I am, and it began right there. I started becoming grateful. Now I really count myself lucky. I am so grateful for all that my parents gave me (the "presents"and for the presence) and for all that my husband provides. I feel like we are rich, though my husband reminds me we are middle-class. This isn't to say I am a braggart or immodest. I just realize how much we have, and I am so grateful for every last bit of it. So I want my kids to feel the same.

Well, you know what they say about paybacks? On Tuesday the girls got big gifts for the first night. A got a Barbie Dream House. It is large and colorful and took hours for my husband to assemble. N received a pair of tall black Uggs and clothing. The Uggs alone cost more than the Dream House, but they were small and black--far less fun. N knew this and handled herself with a lot of grace and gratitude. She kept it way classier than I had as a child (for which I am grateful) but there was a sadness in her eyes. Later she asked if she would be getting any toys. I feel so guilty. Silly right? The girl has boots more expensive than mine, but I am wrought with grief that she didn't open something flashier.

Here is the problem: I want to give them everything and simultaneously want them to feel immense gratitude for even small things. I know that these goals are incongruous with each other. You can't give someone everything and expect them to be grateful for the little things. As I mentioned yesterday, the girls didn't get a gift from us last night. We did let them open some small gifts that were sent from aunts and uncles and a former babysitter. After opening them they didn't look as satisfied as I had hoped. Where was the glow from knowing they gave to charity? Again, they were way nicer than I had been as a child, but still not as grateful as I had hoped.

I had them list everything that the had received so far. As they were listing, I do think they both realized that they had gotten quite a lot by any standards and a massive amount considering it was only day two. To my great joy, A also mentioned that she received gifts to give to charity (not the glow I wanted, but a glimmer was there)! Perhaps it was like me in college--the moment I opened myself to gratitude. I was not yet there, but I was on the road. I hope they are too.

Today, the mensch showed some gratitude of his own. The girls found him writing thank you notes this morning with a "gratitude list" (This is ironic given that the mensch plans were made weeks ago).

By the way about that brown spiral cook book: It is one of my most prized possessions. It taught me to make spinach artichoke dip, mini cheesecakes, "my" famous tenderloin, and the food I eventually wooed my husband with. It is splattered and stained and so well-loved that you would never believe that its owner once discounted the book on its cover.

Mensches give Tzedakah

Today, the girlies found Mr. Mensch tangled up in wrapping paper and ribbon. He must have been wrapping gifts when he got stuck! My girls knew that the gifts were not for them,but rather that they are for a child in need. Today's sign read, "Mensches give Tzedakah." Tzedakah is a Hebrew word meaning justice or righteousness, but it often is used to describe to act of giving to charity. I am no rabbinic scholar (obvi. from this blog!), but I think it means that justice is served when we equal the playing field by sharing with those who have less. My husband and I really strive to do that all year round here through charitable donations and service on not-for-profit boards, but for the kids giving holiday gifts to a needy child is a great time to see tzedakah in action in a way that relates to their own experience. Tonight we will forgo gifts from us to the girls. They instead will have the best gift of all--the satisfaction that they helped another child.

Guess Who's Back?

The ORIGINAL Mensch on the Mantle is Back! As always, mensches are neither magical nor mythical creatures. The only "magic" of a mensch is that all of us have the innate power to do good! To that end, the mensch teaches a lesson in kindness, righteousness, and loving acts each day. Since our mensch is Jewish, honoring Jewish traditions is a part of his message (but anyone can be a mensch regardless of their religious beliefs).
Today's teaching is that mensches keep traditions alive. My sweet girls awoke to find the mensch already hard at work setting up our Hanukkah Houses, a traditional favorite at 31-derful. They will have the opportunity to decorate them later today. Future lessons will include giving to charity, being grateful, visiting family, taking responsibility and care of yourself, and respecting other's time. It is going to be a fun and informative week as we celebrate Hanukkah!

Fool me once...

You know the old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Well, shame on me because I am forever getting fooled by list of "free fonts" on Pinterest, only to discover that they are not free. As a graph-faux artist, I felt it was important to compile a list of my favorite, actually free fonts. Yes, I said, "graph-faux artist." I am not a graphic artist, but I play one in my own mind! If you google any of these true type fonts you can have them on your computer for free in a matter of minutes. Here's my list:

Mensch: You Saw It HERE first!

I am so happy for the makers of the new "Jewish Elf on The Shelf." You know, the one with the similar name to my Mensch on the Mantle???!! The makers took a great idea and worked hard to make it a reality, so kudos to them. Just remember that the Mensch on the Mantle was here LAST year (before all the hype about this new little guy) and that I shared the idea with the world for free!!!

"Mom’s Summer Nights"

I have been so swamped with the kids that I am not sure that I'll ever get to the Flashback Friday series, but I did have time to write this little song about what I have been up to!


"Mom’s Summer Nights"
(to the Tune of Summer Nights from Grease)
Summer laundry, piles up so fast
Summer laundry, kids had a blast
My two kids crazy for me
Loads of wash for mommy
Summer days drifting away
To, uh oh, those summer nights

Well-a, well-a, well-a, uh!
Tell me more, tell me more
Did you get out the stains?
Tell me more; tell me more
Towels “drying” out in the rain!

Summer laundry, piles up so fast
Summer laundry, kids had a blast
My two kids crazy for me
Loads of wash for mommy
Summer days drifting away
To, uh oh, those summer nights

Well-a, well-a, well-a, uh!
Tell me more, tell me more
Did you travel far?
Tell me more; tell me more
Six whole hours in my car!

She swam twice at, J C C camp
He played golf, getting all damp
Sidewalk chalk, down on the ground
Made mud pies, knees are all browned
Summer sun, something's begun
But, uh oh, those summer nights

Well-a, well-a, well-a, uh!
Tell me more, tell me more
Did you wash every night?
Tell me more, tell me more
Do you sort dark and light?

Took them bowling in the arcade
We went strolling; spilled lemonade
We made paintings without a smock
then stayed up till nine o'clock
Dirty swings don't mean a thing
But, uh oh, those summer nights

Tell me more, tell me more
But you don't gotta brag
Tell me more, tell me more
'Cause it sounds like a drag

She was sticky ice cream in hand
Well, she got filthy down in the sand
By nighttime, we’re not vey clean
Smell like outside, you know what I mean
Summer heat, bug spray and feet
But, uh oh, those summer nights

Tell me more, tell me more
Lots of play dates that never end?
Tell me more, tell me more
Can they call their friends?

It turns colder; then will it end?
Me and whirlpool, we'll still be friends
So I’ll make my laundry vow
I’m okay if it not all done right' now
Summer clothes ripped at the seams
But, oh, those summer nights
Tell me more, tell me more

Divya and Andrew's American Celebration

I recently had the pleasure of styling an event for Divya and Andrew, a New York City based couple, whose love affair has taken them around the world. Their fairytale romance includes not one, but two, dreamy weddings—one in India and another smack dab in the middle of the US ! When I first spoke with Divya over the phone, she and Andrew had just returned from their multiple-day Indian wedding celebration. Divya’s dear friend, who just happens to be a Bollywood producer, planned all of the events with a swoon-worthy amount of fabric and floral that is simply unrivaled in the US. The Indian wedding truly had it all—except some American friends and family who could not make the trip.

Never fear, Andrew's mother DJ was planning a second celebration back on US soil. Andrew’s sister, Kate, is one of my dear friends from law school. Since I virtually hijacked the planning of Kate’s wedding a few years back (coming soon to my Flashback Friday series), DJ knew who to call for help!

DJ had already reserved the Colonel Bolton Home, a picturesque historic home with a quaint white barn on the property. She hoped that I could give her some floral ideas. Immediately sensing that any floral we could produce would pale in comparison to the celebrations in India, I suggested that we nix expensive floral arrangements in favor of rustic American decor! I began dreaming of bunting, party lights, sparklers, mason jars, apples and burlap. Not only have these items been on trend the past few years, they were just perfect for a barn wedding as American as apple pie.

With Andrew and Divya in New York, DJ in Jefferson City and me here in St. Louis, we began a series of phone calls and emails to find out the couple’s desires for their big day as well as the constraints of pulling everything together from three cities. I integrated the information from our communications into a vision board. Divya not only embraced the ideas, she got into the act and started on-line shopping for all of the items. We quickly realized that the cost of shipping items from multiple stores was too steep and, frankly, confusing. Thus, my “Teamwork” Package was born. I shopped my wholesalers and usual sources for décor, adding some handcrafted details and gave the whole box as a kit to the family along with instructions for how to put it all together. The kit included burlap runners, rustic french pots, worn tool boxes planters, and small details (Spanish moss, bunting to adorn the tool boxes,and even the rafia to tie on the mason jars). The couple assembled the components the day before the wedding with charming results. Click on the collage below for a few sneak peaks from their big day(I am awaiting the photographers' pictures):




Thanks to DJ, Divya, and Andrew for allowing me to be a part of their special day!